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One of my best friends told me today that she is pregnant. The news came after finding out from a friend a few days ago that another friend has just had her baby. I did not even know she was pregnant. They live far away and the news was skillfully kept from me. I am very happy for them. I really am. But after each such conversation, I cry. I pity myself. I remember how I felt last August when I found out I was pregnant..how innocent and blissfully happy I was.. and then shit happened.
I hate the fact that there is this bitterness in me that prevents me from fully rejoicing in the happiness of my loved ones.
I hate the fact that I am that person from whom either the news of pregnancy is kept, or it is introduced with careful design and planning.
I hate the fact that we have been trying for almost 6 months now and I am still not pregnant. I was not prepared for this. It feels like another failure. And I am just tired of feeling this way.